Monday, December 06, 2004

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Verse 1
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangsta-ass nigga plays his cards right
A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his fuckin mouth
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas don't start fights
And niggas always gotta high cap
Showin' all his boys how he shot em
But real gangsta-ass niggas don't flex much
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas know they got em
And everythings cool in the mind of a gangsta
Cuz gangsta-ass niggas think deep
Up three-sixty-five a year 24/7
Cuz real gangsta ass niggas don't sleep
And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, cocksuckin', pussy-eatin' prankstas
Cuz when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Verse 2
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Feedin' the poor and hepin out wit they bills
Although I was born in Jamaica
Now I'm in the US makin' deals
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
I mean one that you don't really know
Ridin' around town in a drop-top Benz
Hittin' switches in my black six-fo'
Now gangsta-ass niggas come in all shapes and colors
Some got killed in the past
But this gangtsa here is a smart one
Started living for the lord and I'll last
Now all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, pussy-eatin' cocksuckin' prankstas
When the ship jumps off what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Verse 3
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangta-ass nigga knows the play
Real gangsta-ass niggas get the flyest of the bitches

Ask that gangsta-ass nigga Little Jake
Now bitches look at gangsta-ass niggas like a stop sign
And play the role of Little Miss Sweet
But catch the bitch all alone get the digit take her out
and then dump-hittin' the ass with the meat
Cuz gangsta-ass niggas be the gang playas
And everythings quiet in the clique
A gangsta-ass nigga pulls the trigger
And his partners in the posse ain't tellin' off shit
Real gangsta-ass niggas don't talk much
All ya hear is the black from the gun blast
And real gangsta-ass niggas don't run for shit
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas can't run fast
Now when you in the free world talkin' shit do the shit
Hit the pen and let the mothaf**kas shank ya
But niggas like myself kick back and peep game
Cuz damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Verse 4
And now, a word from the President!
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Gettin voted into the White House
Everything lookin good to the people of the world
But the Mafia family is my boss
So every now and then I owe a favor gettin' down
like lettin' a big drug shipment through
And send 'em to the poor community
So we can bust you know who
So voters of the world keep supportin' me
And I promise to take you very far
Other leaders better not upset me
Or I'll send a million troops to die at war
To all you Republicans, that helped me win
I sincerely like to thank you
Cuz now I got the world swingin' from my nuts
And damn it feels good to be a gangsta


Oh how I would love to claim credit for that. Unfortunately, I cannot. Cred is due to the Geto Boys. That's a damn funny scene in Office Space. And remember, "why should I change my name? He's the one who sucks."

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

...And you will know me by the trail of slightly injured

Hello again. It is I, the ever evasive, self styled shiesty bastard, making one of my increasingly rare posts. Thanksgiving week was both good and bad. I got sick and went to the Georgia game; the 45 degree weather and pouring rain did not help matters any. Then again, I had lots of good turkey and watched many bad ass movies, such as Fargo, Pi, Night of the Living Dead (the original) and Donnie Darko. All of which are now among my favorite movies. I am looking forward to the new Trail of Dead album Worlds Apart, which is due out 10 days after my birthday. Good idea for a present huh? Yeah I thought so too. There isnt much going on with me at the moment. I told Stephen that I would probably update my blog so I am living up to my word. I really should be doing my work, seeing as I am in class right now, but...oh well. Fuck it. I can do it later. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. Sage advice from the great funkmaster. i should get going. The bell is about to ring. Ta.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

HEEERRRRREEEEE's Johnny

Yes, it is true. After a long lamented absence, I have returned to blogging. At least for today. The next 15 or so minutes anyways. So, guess what... nothing has happened. For the past two or so weeks, not one damn thing has happened. I am really itching to get out of here; out of the clutches of my overbearing stepmother and preferably out of Georgia. I want to get free so I can do the stupid things I have been unable to do now. I can't wait until college. College will be really fun. I intend to do as many stupid, dumb-ass things as possible. How much time is left I wonder. I may very well count the days at some point to see how long I have until I get my freedom. Assuming my parents don't sell me down the river. (Sorry, just a little slavery joke, i couldn't resist.) Anyways. On to bigger and better things. I really should email my brother. I can't wait until he comes back from Afganistan. That worries me a lot. I hope he is okay. I don't know what I would do if anything bad happened to him. I would probably be inconsolable for about ten minutes and then I would get over it. In all seriousness, I would probably be devastated, but that is neither here nor there. When he comes back we are going on a road trip. That should be very fun. I hope we go to Vegas but we probably wont. Too expensive and too long of a drive. That would be really damn fun though. Tomorrow I will try to post on News for the Masses. My other blog idea that Stephen merely set up. I should go now. Fuck you all. Bye.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Check out News for the Masses

If you think this blog is good. check out my newest blog, News for the Masses, a collective effort with my friend stephen and other folks. IT is pretty damn funny. I have two articles thus far and Stephen has two more coming eventually. I will probably post another one today. Go see it now!!!!!!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Babe Who?

Yes it is true. The Yankees suck and the Babe, the Sultan of Swat, The Great Bambino, The Colossus of Clout, The Wali of Wallop, the Wazir of Wham, the Maharajah of Mash, the Rajah of Rap, the Caliph of Clout, the Behemoth of Bust, may have finally forgiven the Sox and dropped his curse. The game was obviously over in the second inning. The first pitch I saw was Damon's grand slam. Later on, I watched the same guy jack a two runner into the upper deck, pounding the final nail into the Yankees' coffin. They were in their death throes. Their pathetic screams of anguish subsided to a death rattle and they turned belly up in the fetid, black waters of defeat. Damn, that sounds like Grantland Rice. I think his soul is being channeled into me as I write this. Anyway, the upshot of all this is the Yankees suck and Boston will win the World Series and Babe will finally forgive them. Hell yes.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Some of the best books ever written

Here are some of my favorite books. Not that you need me to write this seeing as this is all on my profile but hey, if you dont like it, you are always free to go to hell, so no bitching OR whining.

Really this time...
1.House of Leaves
Holy damn hell. House of Leaves is an amazing book. There are few books you will read that are weirder and creepier than House of Leaves. Mark Z. Danielewski is incredible. The dual narrative, story-within-a-story format is really damn cool.

2.Choke
Come on. Sex Addicts run amok. What more can you ask for? Also, the most explicit descriptions of sex acts ever put on paper.

3.Survivor
More Chuckie P. Why? Because he kicks enourmous amounts of ass. He is an amazing writer. Seriously, the page numbers count down to the main character's death. It is so grim and creepy.

4.Requiem for a Dream
The most brutal drug book (and movie) ever in the history of mankind. Show me a more depressing, realistic and disturbing book about drug addiction, or any other topic for that manner, and I will kiss the ground on which you walk.

5.Last Exit to Brooklyn
The only book that can come close to challenging Requiem's unbelievable power and brutality. Incidentally, it was written by the same author. Seriously fucked up. It will leave you feeling very empty inside.

Well, there you go. That is part of my list. I would suggest anyone who thinks they can take it, read these books. They will blow you away and may very well change your life.

Friday, October 15, 2004

More random shit.

Hot damn. $6.50. More winnings for Jonathan the Great. There is a reason that I am so incredibly great. This week I was 34 for 40 on my college football picks, including Wisconsin over Purdue. Amber is pregnant. Everybody congradulate her. She is going to name her baby Jonathan after me. Even if its a girl. I think Jonathan is a good name for a girl. I would do a girl named Jonathan. Actually I probably wouldn't. Aside from that, I would probably never meet a girl named Jonathan, unless it was Amber's baby.

I am the F-U-C-K-I-N-G man. I will leave you all with this thought.

Ta,
J

Various ruminations, musings, screeds, shibboliths,bitchings, etc.

I certainly do enjoy ruminating. I ruminate quite frequently. Sometimes I ruminate about ruminations. I often dream about musing. Speaking of Muse, they are an incredibly badass band. Their new album, Absolution, is unbelievably good. everyone in the world should have a copy. They are possibly the best limey band since Radiohead, who was the best limey band since Oasis, who was the best limey band since Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, who were the best limey bands since the Beatles. While we are on the topic of Beat, I am on an epic quest to find some good Beat poetry. I would like to find Howl by Allen Ginsburg. If anyone has it (if anyone actually reads this), please email it to me or give me a link to where i can find it. My email is funkmaster_j001@yahoo.com. So.

Damn, Jimmy. That's some serious gourmet coffee. What kind of coffee is this anyway?
Shut up. I dont need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is. I know how good it is. I'm the one who bought it. When my wife Bonnie buys coffee, she buys shit. I buy the good gourmet shit 'cause when I drink coffee I like to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It's not the coffee in my kitchen. It's the dead nigger you've got stored in my garage. When you pulled up here, did you notice a sign in front of my house that said "Dead Nigger Storage"? Did you notice a sign that said "Dead Nigger Storage"? You want to know why you didnt notice that sign? Cause its not there, cause storing dead niggers ain't my fucking business!

Just a little Pulp Fiction for you there. Its kind of scary, the way I have memorized that movie. I know more lines from it than Quentin himself probably. I didnt mean to, it just happened. Anyways, that is one of the greatest movies ever made. Tarantino is possibly the best director out there right now. Or, at least, the best director with fewer than 6 movies. Darren Arrenovski, the guy who directed Pi and Requiem for a Dream is giving him a good run for his money.

Bush and Kerry both suck. I despize them both. Neither of them should win. Everyone vote libertarian. Kerry is a lying pansy and Bush is a douchebag who wants to take everyone's freedom.

Coffee is the greatest invention ever in the history of mankind. The population of the world would have died long ago without it. There is no drink anyone on earth can name that is better than coffee. Well hell, unfortunately this screed is going to have to be truncated. I'll try to pick up where I left off later. Anyone who reads this drop me a line. I want to see how many people have discovered how incredibly cool I am. Hasta Luego. "J"

Another good day in the gambling arena

Yes, it is another good day for gambling. It is not even lunch yet and i am up $6. My gambling skills are renown and feared far and wide across the lands of Winder Proper and its outlying country side. Noel will probably never bet with me again after the Louisville-Miami game and after Virginia defeats Florida State tomorrow. I will make more from Brian after Texas Tech dissects OK State's secondary like that cow's eye we dissected in 7th grade and Wisconsin's D shuts Kyle Orton down. I actually have my doubts about that game. Kyle Orton is probably the best quarterback in college football right now. Still, Wisconsin has a good shot so im not too worried. I think they could pull it off.

One thing I have discovered in my many years as a sage and seer. When one makes a radical prediction, that person is called crazy and stupid. Then, when it comes true, that same person becomes a sage, a prophet, a seer, a genius. Thus are the pains of wisdom. Still, it is well worth it.

Well, lunch should be fun. Hopefully I shall win more money.

On that note, I suppose I shall depart. Mahalo. Shaft.